In loving memory

One year ago today marks the sad passing of a great man, who touched so many people with his enthusiastic approach to life and his fun loving nature. Mitchell Courtney Calveley only lived a short 19 years on this Earth, but he made every second of it count, and left this life with so many people who loved and adored him.

As most who know me will know, I'm never usually lost for words, but for some reason today I'm finding it hard to express just how I feel about losing such a great person from my life. So, as I'm wanting to say something so beautiful and sincere about Mitch and his influence in my life, I think it best to revert to what I wrote about him when he first passed away. I hope all who read this can appreciate the sentiment, as I know he is sorely missed by both his family and friends.

"I never loved anyone like I loved Mitchell; probably because there was never anyone like Mitchell on this Earth. He was totally unique. He was always just himself, and he always did what made him happy. He lived life to the full. He worked hard and he played hard, and that's why people loved him. Because he was just Mitchell, and that was enough to brighten anyone's day.

He made me feel things I didn't really understand. I could never understand how he could make me laugh out loud and annoy the hell out of me in the same moment, but I guess that's what was really great about him, because I could never stay mad at him for long. One flash of that beautiful smile of his and I'd melt like butter. I'm sure many people he knew would agree with me on that one.

Mitch showed me what it was like to fall head over heels in love with someone, and with him I was falling a little bit more every day. I know that I will treasure every minute I ever spent with him.

One of his close friends once said to me that there were never any bad times with Mitchell, only good times to remember - and I think that is something that proves what a wonderful person he really was.

If Mitchell's passing has showed me anything, it is how truly amazing he really was. He touched so many people in this life, and there was rarely a bad word said about him. He just seemed to make everyone's lives that little bit better just for knowing him.

He was a great friend, a loving boyfriend, a supportive brother and a son to be proud of. He will be sorely missed by more people than he could have ever known. He will never be forgotten, and he will always be loved by those he made so happy in this lifetime.

Forever in our hearts Mitch xx"

He won the war

I have some good news which I would like to share with you all. You may have read my post about my trip away with the other half recently, entitled "Four days in a frosty haven", in which I told you all about his current health problems and my thoughts around the matter.

Well, you will all be very pleased to know that my Man has been given the all clear this week. He has been deemed as having a full response to treatment, which basically means what it says, in that the chemotherapy has essentially worked the best that it can and he is now on the road to recovery.

He has to take a bit more time off work, and then ease himself back into it all slowly, so as not to hinder his recovery at all - but things are finally looking up for us, the haphazard couple that we are!

As you can imagine, I'm thrilled. This has been one of the longest, hardest years of my existence so far, and as I was saying to my Fella just yesterday, I really needed some good news to come along and perk me up a bit.

I'm not depressed or anything, in fact I think I've coped quite well with everything that life has thrown at me this year, but having fought to regain control of my life after losing somebody very close to me earlier this year - and then having to put so much energy into staying strong and supportive for my other half after finding out he was ill just a few months later- I'm really not sure how much fight I've got left in me.

The new year should be a new start for me, but unfortunately all it is likely to bring is more heartache as the anniversary of the death of the great man I lost will be heading our way soon enough, and all of the pain and grief I suffered not so long ago will no doubt come flooding back again - and I'm just going to have to deal with it, some how.

I'm not writing this for sympathy, as those who know me well will tell you I don't want a big fuss over it all. I've always like to deal with things on my own, and I kind of see it as a sign of weakness in myself if I'm not rock-solid and strong throughout my misfortunes. But what it does make realise, is that it doesn't get any easier for those who have lost someone they love.

All of us will know someone who has suffered some form of heartache or loss unfortunately. It's not a great fact to acknowledge, but that is just they way life is and we have no choice but to accept it. My mother lost her mother just a few months back, and my nan lost her husband a few years before that, and yet even I have been guilty of forgetting that every year they will once again mourn the loss of their someone special.

So now that this situation will soon be upon me once again, it has made me think about all those others I know who will also find a point each year in which the memories of the life they once had will be all too close to home again - and this year I intend to be much more supportive of this fact, and help them see all the things they have got to be grateful for instead.

Time is a healer, of that I have no doubt, but time will never allow you to forget what you may have lost. I, however, would just like to think of it in a different way. Yes, I have lost so much this year, and that fact will never leave me - but for all that I have lost, I seemed to have gained so much as well. I am stronger than I have ever been because of this year. I am older and wiser, and more capable of dealing with the pitfalls in life. And most importantly, I have surrounded myself will the most wonderful people you could ever wish to have in your life - and for that I know I am so blessed.

My Man getting better and beating what could have defeated him is just the start of the beginning for me. New year, new hope, and hopefully new me. Although I will never forget who I have lost this year, I have so much more to gain in my life...and that surely has to be worth living for. If I'm twenty-one and invincible now, imagine how far I will have come when I'm thirty-one and indestructible?