Well, you will all be very pleased to know that my Man has been given the all clear this week. He has been deemed as having a full response to treatment, which basically means what it says, in that the chemotherapy has essentially worked the best that it can and he is now on the road to recovery.
He has to take a bit more time off work, and then ease himself back into it all slowly, so as not to hinder his recovery at all - but things are finally looking up for us, the haphazard couple that we are!
As you can imagine, I'm thrilled. This has been one of the longest, hardest years of my existence so far, and as I was saying to my Fella just yesterday, I really needed some good news to come along and perk me up a bit.
I'm not depressed or anything, in fact I think I've coped quite well with everything that life has thrown at me this year, but having fought to regain control of my life after losing somebody very close to me earlier this year - and then having to put so much energy into staying strong and supportive for my other half after finding out he was ill just a few months later- I'm really not sure how much fight I've got left in me.
The new year should be a new start for me, but unfortunately all it is likely to bring is more heartache as the anniversary of the death of the great man I lost will be heading our way soon enough, and all of the pain and grief I suffered not so long ago will no doubt come flooding back again - and I'm just going to have to deal with it, some how.
I'm not writing this for sympathy, as those who know me well will tell you I don't want a big fuss over it all. I've always like to deal with things on my own, and I kind of see it as a sign of weakness in myself if I'm not rock-solid and strong throughout my misfortunes. But what it does make realise, is that it doesn't get any easier for those who have lost someone they love.
All of us will know someone who has suffered some form of heartache or loss unfortunately. It's not a great fact to acknowledge, but that is just they way life is and we have no choice but to accept it. My mother lost her mother just a few months back, and my nan lost her husband a few years before that, and yet even I have been guilty of forgetting that every year they will once again mourn the loss of their someone special.
So now that this situation will soon be upon me once again, it has made me think about all those others I know who will also find a point each year in which the memories of the life they once had will be all too close to home again - and this year I intend to be much more supportive of this fact, and help them see all the things they have got to be grateful for instead.
Time is a healer, of that I have no doubt, but time will never allow you to forget what you may have lost. I, however, would just like to think of it in a different way. Yes, I have lost so much this year, and that fact will never leave me - but for all that I have lost, I seemed to have gained so much as well. I am stronger than I have ever been because of this year. I am older and wiser, and more capable of dealing with the pitfalls in life. And most importantly, I have surrounded myself will the most wonderful people you could ever wish to have in your life - and for that I know I am so blessed.
My Man getting better and beating what could have defeated him is just the start of the beginning for me. New year, new hope, and hopefully new me. Although I will never forget who I have lost this year, I have so much more to gain in my life...and that surely has to be worth living for. If I'm twenty-one and invincible now, imagine how far I will have come when I'm thirty-one and indestructible?
No comments:
Post a Comment