Tuesday, 14 December 2010

The Woman Flu Pandemic

Forget Man Flu, I have Woman Flu and I can tell you now fellas, it is so much worse. Man Flu is where all you men get a slight tickle in your throat and a bit of a runny nose and hole yourselves up in bed for days, coughing and spluttering and generally feeling sorry for yourselves.

Woman Flu has had me properly man down all weekend. I woke up Sunday morning and felt like I'd left all of my faculties in bed. I was walking round with that kind of strange out-of-body feeling all day, like I wasn't even really human. And the little trooper that I am, I still went and sat at the computer doing my work.

By about 3 in the afternoon, I was sweating like I was in the desert and shivering like an icicle all at the same time. I had it all: headache, toothache, earache, faceache, backache, kneeache, littletoeache - it was ridiculous. I'd lost my voice (much to the pleasure of my long-suffering family) and to top it all off I was shaking like a drug addict. I mean seriously, if Shakin' Stevens and Ozzy Osborne had a love child, I'd have put him to shame.

So I ended up totally bed-ridden for the majority of Sunday. But this fellas, is where our genders become clearly defined, as the next day - although far from perky - I was up at 7am and getting on with my work. And here I sit today, as well, typing away before I head off to work all day. Woman Flu is far far worse than Man Flu, but us women folk, we just power right on through.

So this Christmas ladies, watch out for your other half/father/brother/boss/next door neighbour pulling that familiar expression when they feel the first signs of a cold coming on. You know, the one similar to what I'd imagine a kitten with it's tail trapped in a door would look like: properly wounded. And when you see it coming, just smile and remember this is why the women have the babies.

"Man Flu. Woman Flu's wimpy and feeble little brother."

No comments:

Post a Comment